“Happy Mother’s Day!”
“Thanks, but I’m not a mom.”
That hurt a little deeper today than ever before.
A year ago, I remember whole-heartedly believing I would celebrate my first Mother’s Day this year. I remember thinking about what the day might bring from two teenage boys.
I have been in the midst of an adoption with two brothers who are in foster care in another state for years. My heart has shattered a million times but I loved them as my own from the beginning.
More than 3 years in, it’s not looking likely these boys are going to end up being adopted out. For reasons I cannot understand, it seems that God has other plans.
So, while I have never been a mother, this mother’s day was particularly difficult. Our church happened to air a Dollar Club video of generously blessing a foster mom to two foster brothers. There were a million pictures, posts and reminders that today was Mother’s Day and I’m not one.
That’s a hard reality. Especially when I made it my life mission today to celebrate hundreds of moms. It’s a hard reality because I still struggle with feeling like I’ve failed my boys, because I couldn’t win and give them what they need. It’s a hard reality because I don’t know that my heart will ever again be able to endure another journey like the one I just finished. Does that mean I wouldn’t make a good mom right now?
Maybe so. Probably not.
The Word says God’s mercies are new each day. He gives us exactly what we need to get through the moment. Nothing more. Nothing less.
So, while I was an “almost mom” for years and now I’m likely “not a mom,” God is still God. I am still enough.
To all of you women out there struggling tonight with wanting to experience motherhood or having lost your opportunity at it, know that you are still enough. You are still a superhero. And most importantly, you are not a failure.
God still has a plan for you. Maybe it’s being a mother down the road. Maybe it’s not. But whatever it is, God is preparing it for you. He is in the details and all you need to bring to the table each day is a little faith.
I am sitting here tonight and I know that is so much easier said than done. Tomorrow is a new day. And guess what? Thankfully, it’s not Mother’s Day.